Hillarysworld

25 of the 376 best one-liners on the Internet

My favorites of the 376 best one-liners on the Internet.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.

Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?

Only in America… do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

And best of the best:

Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.